Lady Gaga’s Family Restaurant Worse Than “Herpes” According To Review

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(Gareth Cattermole/Getty Images)

(Gareth Cattermole/Getty Images)

Today's 101.9 Features

Lady Gaga has blamed her recent weight gain on eating all the scrumptious food her parents are cooking up at their New York restaurant, but that may just be daughterly love talking.

The restaurant, named Joanne Trattoria, was recently reviewed by the New York Daily News where it received a whopping one star and quite possibly the worst restaurant review ever.

Food critic Michael Kaminer said, “I came with an open mind, despite the fact that most of my colleagues have portrayed Joanne as the worst thing since herpes.”

Other highlights include a waiter revealing that the cheese the expensive Italian restaurant doles out is supplied by “whoever gets it to us cheapest.”  Kaminer claimed the $18  fried calamari “arrive so sloppily plated that it look[ed] like the kitchen threw it back in the bowl after dropping it.” From a taste standpoint he said that the dish had more bread crumbs than it did squid.

If you’re an eggplant parmesan lover you’re probably better off in Little Italy. Joanne Trattoria’s $24 version is said to be ” a gloppy, sloppy, flavorless mess whose net effect is the culinary equivalent of old cars in a massive pileup.”

Dessert didn’t fare much better, espresso is “more like concentrated Sanka, but you’ll need it to avoid choking on a tiramisu cake ($14) whose desiccated base holds gelatinous cream tasting vaguely of plastic.” It seems that despite the expertise of former Oprah Winfrey personal chef Art Smith, who was appointed head chef of Joanne Trattoria, the food at the restaurant is just not up to par.

In other Lady Gaga news, Mother Monster spoke out after a New York politician had less than flattering things to say about her (“This slut is influencing many, many children.”) When Manhattan Borough President Scott Stringer defended her as a “symbol of individuality and artistic expression,” Gaga took to Twitter to thank him.

-Kimberly Rae Miller, 92.3 NOW/New York

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